Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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