An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
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i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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