I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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