Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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