if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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