Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
