God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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