I'm going to jail i love you
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
