So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
