I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
