omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
