I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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