at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
