At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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