Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dear god my vagina.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
