I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
