this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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