I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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