dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize