The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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