ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
