btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
