Will you blow on my dice?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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