Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
