i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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