The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
