I wish I could punch you in the face.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
