I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
