Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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