I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I smell stomach acid.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
