here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
