we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I stole a fireplace last night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Randomize
