All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
