Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
