Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
