if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize
