I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
