i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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