Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
