Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
