guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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