Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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