yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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