Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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