If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
