The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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