I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
