My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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