There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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