Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Randomize
