My sheets look like a crime scene.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
