I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Its about making memories worth repressing
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
