when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Randomize
