I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
