Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize