even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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