i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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