I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
