ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
