Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize