If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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