chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
