when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
