i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
