Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
