Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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