i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
