Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
