I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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