i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
