i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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