he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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