You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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