Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
